Response to “Risky Situation”

This was going to be a comment, but it grew a bit too long so I figured it could be a post instead…

Wow!  Great post.  Great question.

First let me say that your immediate response would not be far from my own had this been some of my female friends.  Some, not all.

I have some friends who, regardless of feminine charm, have an amazing ability to defuse any situation.  They seem unfazed by anything that may stumble into their path and seem to just have the right sort of natural charisma to talk their way out of or into anything they choose.  They have an uncanny ability to read a situation and respond calmly, naturally.  These people are not in the majority.

The majority of people I know would panic, even if just internally.  That panic tends to cloud one’s ability to maintain a clear view of the situation at hand and can lead to less than stellar choices, small as they may have seemed.  In this particular incident, imagine that your friend used the same exact words, but flipped it so that she told the first guy what she had told the second and vice versa.  Could this have caused a different outcome?  Was your friend subconsciously aware of what it was each needed to hear?  Perhaps.

I also know people whose internal panic makes them appear angry or combative.  Maybe it’s just a defense against fear, but it doesn’t look that way on the surface.  Their reaction not only clouds their view of the situation, but it often escalates matters because of the perception others have.  To those people I would never recommend what your friend did.  Those “what-ifs” are too likely to come to fruition.

I think what we strive for in our training is to never find ourselves in this situation.  I think that starts by first looking ahead.  Could your friend have made other travel arrangements in advance?  Could she have buddied up with one or more people?  Did she have sufficient funds on her such that she could have got off at another stop and taken a cab?  Did she know the areas she was passing through enough to know where to find a modicum of safety if necessary?  These are some of the questions that LIVE teaches us to ask -– Planning for situations that we acknowledge as not predictable, but plausible; preparing for the unforeseen.

Personally, how would I have handled the same situation with my very limited knowledge and training?  I imagine I would have handed back the jacket while standing.  It would be a temporary distraction just to move from my seat.  If I could not change cars, I would put as much distance between myself and them as possible.  While in the situation you gave there was not an additional stop once they returned, had there been one, I would have certainly left the train at the next safe stop.  I would not have put myself between drunks (unpredictable!) who want to fight and their friends who are eager to see a fight.  I am not skilled enough to take on that many people if the need were to arise.

Mine may not be the bravest answer or the most peaceful since I would attempt to defuse the situation, but it is my most honest answer.  It is also a marked improvement over an answer I would have given just a couple of years ago.  Before training and LIVE, I probably would have given you the answer that I would have frozen to my seat and been decked as a result.  Training has given me options and helped me to evolve even if only just a little.

Danielle DeBlois
SMAC Student